I'm writing my story in hopes that it will inspire others to share their story. I don't know if there is a "book" in everyone but I know for certain there is a story in there. I encourage you to share your story of overcoming some of life's challenges. Someone needs to hear what you have to say. They are waiting!

The big payoff of well-chosen words

By Stephen Propst

You may think that talk is cheap. But, when words are used thoughtlessly, carelessly, or hurtfully, they can take a heavy toll. Like an arrow, “wrong” words can be sharp, piercing a person’s spirit, ripping away at self-esteem, and making a person feel belittled or even betrayed. Ill-chosen words can strain friendships and create stress. And especially vulnerable are people who have bipolar disorder.

Now, let’s be honest. Dealing with bipolar disorder is not only tough for the people who have the illness, but it’s also a challenge for those who live with them. Taking time to consider the impact of what you say before you “fire away” makes it easier. Choosing your words carefully can strengthen relationships, fuel recovery, and make for a better quality of life for everyone.

“Never tell anyone that he looks tired or depressed,” says H. Jackson Brown Jr., in his book Life’s Little Instruction Book (Rutledge Hill Press, 1991). That’s good advice! Now, let’s look at 10 more comments to avoid making to someone who has bipolar disorder. These observations come from more than two decades of dealing with the illness and from years of leading support groups and consulting with families. The goal is to help family and friends to more peacefully coexist with those of us who have bipolar.

What not to say

You sound a little down today.
That’s what a friend said to me within the first 30 seconds when she phoned the other day. No kidding! Since I live with bipolar disorder, of course I don’t always feel 100 percent up to par. I just don’t need my symptoms constantly gauged or continually evaluated. It’s like having a never-ending physical. Most people with a mental illness know how they feel. Being told you are not sounding well is not constructive, nor is it a substitute for true compassion.

I thought you were taking your medication.
Dealing successfully with bipolar disorder cannot be reduced to whether or not someone has taken a pill. There are no quick fixes. Confronting a chronic, serious illness is an ongoing process, and there are bound to be ups and downs. The more you take the time to learn about bipolar disorder, the more you will understand how difficult managing such a condition can be. There are countless resources—books, videos, support groups, etc.—that address and reduce the mystery and misunderstanding surrounding bipolar disorder.

You’re too smart to have bipolar disorder.
When I first heard that remark, I felt so horrible, as if I could have prevented what had happened. Even worse, I felt that someone, such as a homeless person, was somehow more “deserving” of such an illness than I. The brain, like any organ in the body, is subject to having problems. It is cruel to say something that suggests that bipolar disorder doesn’t exist, isn’t legitimate, or isn’t as significant as any other medical condition.

You know he’s ‘bipolar,’ don’t you?
Reducing someone to the illness he faces is destructive. In fact, it is cruel to see a person only through the lens of a diagnosis. Unfortunately, it happens all too often. A person who has bipolar disorder should not be defined by that with which he might struggle. Guard your tongue. Focus on the person you know and love, and dwell on all that makes that individual special. Your friend or family member still has a life.

Stop acting like a fool!
Granted, some conduct associated with bipolar disorder can be very difficult to contend with. When you realize, however, that a particular behavior is actually symptomatic and born of the illness, it makes accepting and dealing with it much easier. I see families who think that their situation is unmanageable, until they meet other families facing the same circumstances. With education and patience, these families come to realize that there is an explanation for what they’ve been witnessing.

Guard your tongue. Focus on the person you know and love, and dwell on all that makes that individual special.

It doesn’t take much to set you off!
Those of us who have bipolar disorder are often more vulnerable and responsive to what happens around us. When you make careless statements, your tongue becomes a trigger that can rouse a reaction and escalate symptoms. You unnecessarily incite a mood change in the person you really want to help.

You’re lazy and don’t have a life anymore.
Are you pushing someone who has bipolar disorder to get on with life? Doing so might create stress, counteract recovery techniques, and worsen overall health. If you have a family, a job, social engagements, etc., consider yourself not only lucky, but also far apart from the typical individual who deals with bipolar disorder. Such a person has often dealt with a radical departure from any sense of a normal routine. Recovery takes time and work, and the role you play is critical. Help by using constructive dialogue that acknowledges progress. Don’t push too hard and don’t expect everything to happen overnight.

We used to have high hopes for you.
I sat at a support group and heard a mother say: “My son was going to be a doctor and have a wonderful family, but now he has bipolar disorder.” As I listened, I watched the young man’s face just drop. He was crushed by his mother’s words. Such a statement is not healthy, because it does not convey unconditional love. What you say does matter. Remember that we are all human beings, not human “doings;” the more you acknowledge our being, the more we can end up doing. There is no need to squash hope or diminish dreams.

Don’t take everything so personally.
With bipolar disorder, there are obvious physical symptoms, such as changes in appetite or sleep; the mind, as well as the brain, are impacted. The patient’s self-esteem also takes a tremendous hit. That’s why a promised phone call that never comes may be taken much harder than you might imagine. Likewise, saying things that ignore or make light of someone’s sense of self-esteem should be avoided.

You seem a little overly enthusiastic.
Remember that someone who has bipolar disorder is still entitled to a personality. Before I had bipolar disorder, I was outgoing, happy-go-lucky and quick-witted. Now even though I have this illness, those same personality traits still exist. At a support group recently, a young man was very energetic and expressive. Someone accused him of being manic. Fortunately, a psychiatrist was present. He said that the young man was displaying no manic symptoms whatsoever and that it was cruel to strip a person of his personality merely because he has a diagnosis. The doctor added that anyone is entitled to a full, normal range of emotions.

What you can say
Sticks and stones can break bones, but words hurt, too. Talking carelessly can shatter self-esteem and stifle a person’s motivation to have a life again. Instead, use statements that are more likely to strengthen relationships and support recovery.

Here are some simple phrases to get started:

“I love you, and I care.”
“You’re not alone in this.”
“I’m sorry you’re in so much pain.”
“I’m always willing to listen.”
“I’ll be your friend no matter what.”
“This will pass, and we can ride it out together.”
“You are important to me.”
“When all this is over, I’ll still be here.”

Speaking of differences
Last year, at the Fernbank Museum of Natural History in Atlanta, Georgia, an amazing, special exhibit revealed that every imaginable genetic differentiation—body size, health, anything—is attributable to less than one percent of all genes (Human Genome Project). We are more than 99 percent identical. So, if you know someone who has bipolar disorder, why not concentrate on speaking to the 99 percent of that person’s humanity that really matters?

Talk is not cheap. It pays to use words that encourage, enlighten, and empower. You can make a positive difference in your loved-one’s recovery and in your peace of mind.

I was raised appreciating my family. However, in 1993, I met a personal health challenge that put me in great need of help and support. My family rose to the occasion with love and support I desperately needed. So, I learned anew the meaning of family in my midlife. Since that time I've worked to be there for my biological family and to be "family" to others with a similar need as mine.

I'm grateful for all of the support that got me through my time of recovery. Today I appreciate the support I have in gaining more wellness each day.

I have many cherished friends living with major, "invisible" health challenges. Everyday they work very hard to prevent others from knowing of their struggles. They work to "pass" as being just another face in the crowd.

I found this article very meaningful for me. I believe it takes a lot of effort today, for most of us, to stay positive in a negative world. These are some lighthearted points on how to do just that.

12 Steps To Stay Positive In A Negative World

BY DR. JOEL KAHN

OCTOBER 8, 2014

This weekend we celebrated the Jewish holy day of Yom Kippur. One of the clergy scheduled an hour-long healing session sandwiched between the full day of prayers on this fast day. Fifty people showed up, some willing to share the pain they were feeling from recent diagnoses of cancer, loss of loved ones, or family traumas, and others remained silent.

When it was my turn, I brought up the challenge I felt trying to stay positive in a negative world. Cruelty, brutality and insecurity seem to me more palpable than in the past, perhaps due to 24/7 connectivity with reports of wars, tragedies and beheadings. I described steps I use to emphasize the positive during the day while still being grounded in the events occurring in the world.

Here are 12 of the techniques I use to maintain a positive outlook when the world seems so incredibly negative:

1. Control the amount of negative news in my life.

While I want to stay up on the events occurring in the world, sometimes a headline is sufficient to grasp new developments. I limit the time I spend with TV, radio and Internet, selecting only a few stories to read in full.

2. Control the number of negative people in your life.

I spend most of my days talking to patients about their problems, and some days are filled with more uplifting reports than others. However, I can select how much time I spend with relatives and friends that dwell on the negative. As painful as it may be at times, my calendar may not open to those who consistently drag me down.

3. Listen to music.

I find positive music playing in the car, my home and at work to be a great source of uplifting spirit. One of the most positive collections of music is what I have found in Kundalini yoga. I can feel bountiful, beautiful and blissful with just a few clicks of my phone.

4. Meditate.

I choose to practice a Kirtan Kriya as taught by Dr. Dharma Singh Khalsa, since it takes 12 minutes with a mantra and mudras that are simple. I often do this in the sauna, something I call saunitation, as it seems to clean out the junk in my brain.

5. Live consciously.

Awareness of my breath, the origin and nutrition of my food while eating, a blue sky, a purple flower, a bird’s song all can draw me into a feeling of gratitude for the moment that overcomes forces that can drag me down.

6. Practice gratitude.

Appreciating people for anything they may do to help during my day is always my goal, some days more successfully practiced than others. Helping others, holding a door, buying a surprise coffee for someone behind me in line (I call it random acts of caffeine), or letting someone merge into an intersection can be uplifting.

7. Pray.

In my faith there are a couple prayers that are recited on awakening. A simple two-phrase prayer expresses thanks for the return of the spirit to the body after a night’s rest. Another prayer is odd, but one of my favorites: a prayer written over 1000 years ago to be recited after urinating or defecating to acknowledge that the body is still performing its daily miracle. Although an odd blessing, when I care for patients with bowel and bladder illness, I appreciate both how grounded this moment of reflection is.

8. Read positive books and interviews.

I've read my share of Dale Carnegie, Tony Robbins, Og Mangino, and Louise Hay but going back to them every now and then is a positive moment. Also, I select TED talks that describe new innovations, survivors of challenges, and insights into nature and feel better after viewing them.

9. Give hugs.

I love hugging others and, if my patients permit, I hug and scratch backs on most visits, which brings out huge smiles. I can just watch the stress of others diminish and my own stress decrease.

10. Disconnect.

My phone is my pager, my social media, my calendar, and my tether 24/7. The smartphone is a wonder of technology that is on my waist, in my hand, or with me in the car. Some sacred time requires that it be shut off, whether it's one day a week as many religions mandate, an hour in the yoga room, or while meditating. I work to keep my phone and my brain far apart using speakerphone, Bluetooth or headsets.

11. Laugh.

Years ago, author Norman Cousins demonstrated the healing power of comedy on the course of ill patients and humor can play a healing role today as well. I often end my day with a few minutes of comedy that I have recorded on the DVR. I put the days’ worries behind, enjoy a few belly laughs, and think positively about the coming day.

12. Connect with animals.

My medical work day ends when I walk in my home and see two tails wagging with joy for the fact that I've returned. I have to lie down right then, whether in a suit or scrubs, to let Jake and Eva lick my face over and over. I doubt there's a better therapy after a long day, and I'm sure many of you feel that the love from a pet can counter so much negativity.

My wife and I have joked for years about moving to an isolated island where life is simple. Decades later, careers, children, and goals have kept us from fantasy. The Dalai Lama was quoted as saying, “When we meet real tragedy in life we can react in two ways, either by losing hope and falling into self-destructive habits or by using the challenge to find our inner strength.”

DBSATennessee.org

Ordinary heroes: Drains honored for speaking out for health care equality

B

y Linda    Braden

Larry and Linda Drain are quiet, unassuming people. But when circumstances arose that threatened Linda’s life, they both began speaking out, their voices ringing loudly to bring awareness to — and a solution for — themselves and others who have fallen through the cracks of the health care system in Tennessee. Their income is too high to qualify for TennCare, Tennessee’s public insurance program, and too low to qualify for federal subsidies under the Affordable Care Act, also called Obamacare.

In acknowledgement of their efforts, the Tennessee Health Care Campaign presented the Drains with the 2014 Heroes for Health Award in August at the John Seigenthaler First Amendment Center, Nashville. The award was given “for your dedicated support to affordable access to high-quality health care for all Tennesseans.”

The event honoring the Heroes was part of the Tennessee Health Care Campaign’s 25th Anniversary celebration. In addition to the Drains, Laura Sell was honored for the major work she did as a volunteer to promote and support enrollment in the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act, collaborating with the Blount County Public Library.

Larry said, “It was a very eventful night. We got to speak to a lot of people, meet a lot of people that were heavy-hitters that we knew about or read about. That was neat. And to get people to treat us like we were important. As we were walking out the door, I said, ‘Linda, do you ever get over being surprised when people treat us nice?’ I’m surprised every single, solitary time. It’s just been a strange happening. When it first started out, we didn’t have a clue ... The way we look at it is that we are extraordinarily ordinary people, and the idea that people would know who we are or that people would listen to what we have to say — I wouldn’t have predicted that in a thousand, million years. Then when it took off, it went insane.”

Story begins

The story began with Linda, who has been drawing Supplemental Security Income (SSI) for some time because of epilepsy, brain surgery and additional health conditions. Larry said, “She has TennCare. She has to have the TennCare in order to live. If she does not have the medication, if she doesn’t have the medical care, she will die.

“Ten years ago, a good day for her was having 10 to 15 grand mal seizures. She went through brain surgery, and the last 10 to 14 years have been extraordinarily eventful, but the medication is her pathway to life.”

After Larry turned 62 last September, he decided to take early retirement and begin drawing Social Security.

“If I had to take all the dumb, stupid, worst things in my entire life that I have ever done, that one is so far to the top that there is not a second place,” he said. “The way we had it figured out, we could live if we took what she made in SSI and what I made in retirement. We weren’t going to be rich — in fact, we were going to be poor — but we would be able to pay our bills, do what we needed to do. We were going to be OK.

“After a couple of months, Social Security called us in and said, ‘You guys make way too much money.’ They were very nice, not cruel or mean or anything like that. ... But they said, ‘We have a limit on unearned income, and you guys are way over it.’”

Larry questioned how that could be, and was told that his Social Security retirement is considered unearned income. He said, “I asked them, how could that be unearned income? I worked 47 years for that. It’s my money. They said, legally it’s unearned income. They told Linda that her check for $720 was going to become $20. We were going to lose $700. I said, ‘I’ll just give the retirement back. I’ll just get another job and we’ll be OK.’ And they said, ‘Well, you can do that, but the only way you can do that is to give us back every single penny we have given you today.’ Well, if I could give it all back today, I would never have needed it to begin with.”

No recourse

Larry thought he could continue drawing his retirement and also have a job to make ends meet. He said, “What they said after that has basically driven the whole situation. They said, ‘You have to understand, that because your wife is on TennCare, if you make over $85 in a month, she will lose her TennCare.’ So we went home, and we did all the figuring we could.”

Their projected budget for January would leave them with $30 for essentials such as food and gasoline, and the following months would be worse. “We looked at everything we could, trying to find a way. ... But there wasn’t a way,” Larry said. “We were in a position where, if I got a job to give us enough money to live on, it would kill my wife. It would take her insurance away, and it would kill her. If I didn’t get a job, we couldn’t live. We couldn’t live on a dollar a day. It just wasn’t doable. So on Dec. 26, after 33 years of marriage, we separated.”

The original plan was for Linda to stay with a relative until they could find her a permanent place so she could retain her SSI and TennCare. Larry would then find a place as close by as he could. Larry said, “At that time, our understanding was that, according to the way the laws were in the state of Tennessee, we would never again live together as man and wife.”

There were two possible solutions: Change Social Security laws or expand TennCare, the state’s managed Medicaid program which provides health care coverage primarily for low-income children, parents, pregnant women and elderly or disabled adults. Social Security laws were not going to be changed, but Tennessee Gov. Bill Haslam could spearhead expansion of Medicaid. Larry said, “If he expanded Medicaid, then Linda didn’t have to be a member of a category, she didn’t have to be ‘disabled,’ to get it. All she had to do was be poor. If he expanded Medicaid, then she would have her insurance, which meant we could live together, I could get a job, and although we’d struggle, we would live. Without him expanding Medicaid, we had no help at all.”

Letters to governor

Larry began drawing attention to the need for TennCare expansion by writing a series of letters to the governor. Some were very personal, some general and policy oriented, but in each letter, Larry pleaded with Haslam to submit a plan for TennCare expansion. The 100th letter was emailed on Sept. 2. As of that date, the governor had not responded to the Drains, but he did announce on Aug. 28 that he plans to submit a proposal to Washington to expand Tennessee’s Medicaid program. He did not release any details, however.

Larry said more than 1,200 individuals from across Tennessee have told him they also contacted Haslam. Larry’s 100th letter to the governor begins to list the names, and he plans to continue adding names in subsequent letters until every one is included.

Each letter is available atdeargovernorhaslam.wordpress.com and is viewed by 4,000 to 6,000 persons daily. In addition, a petition entitled “Gov. Haslam: Expand TennCare and Let Me Stay With My Wife!” at www.thepetitionsite.com has almost 46,000 signatures in support of the Drains.

The Drains’ story was told in the Nashville Tennessean and other major news outlets, drawing even more attention to those who, as Larry said, “didn’t fall through the cracks — we live in the cracks.”

Twenty-five miles separate this couple now. Linda is in Knox County, while Larry is in Blount County. They are waiting for the time when they can once again live together as man and wife without Linda losing her life.

Larry said, “I should not have to drive 25 miles to see my wife. It’s wrong in every sense of the word.”

The Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance (DBSA) is the leading patient-directed national organization focusing on depression and bipolar disorder. The organization fosters an environment of understanding about the impact and management of these life-threatening illnesses by providing up-to-date,

scientifically-based tools and information. DBSA supports research to promote more timely diagnosis, develop more effective and tolerable treatments and discover a cure. The organization works to ensure that people living with mood disorders are treated equitably. Assisted by a scientific advisory board comprised of the leading researchers and clinicians in the field of mood disorders, DBSA has more than 750 peer-run support groups across the country. Nearly two million people request and receive information and assistance each year. DBSA’s mission is to improve the lives of people living with mood disorders. For more information about DBSA or depression and bipolar disorder, please visit www.DBSAlliance.org or call (800) 826-3632.

Allen Doederlein, President, DBSA

Nelly Piraja

Steve Brannon, State Director, DBSA Tennessee

Healthy Lifestyle May Buffer Against Stress-Related Cell Aging

UC San Francisco Study Suggests Healthy Diet, Sleep and Exercise Can Mitigate Negative Impacts of Stress

Newswise, July 24, 2014 — A new study from UC San Francisco is the first to show that while the impact of life’s stressors accumulate overtime and accelerate cellular aging, these negative effects may be reduced by maintaining a healthy diet, exercising and sleeping well.

“The study participants who exercised, slept well and ate well had less telomere shortening than the ones who didn’t maintain healthy lifestyles, even when they had similar levels of stress,” said lead author Eli Puterman, PhD, assistant professor in the department of psychiatry at UCSF. “It’s very important that we promote healthy living, especially under circumstances of typical experiences of life stressors like death, caregiving and job loss.”

The paper will be published in Molecular Psychiatry, a peer-reviewed science journal by Nature Publishing Group.

Telomeres are the protective caps at the ends of chromosomes that affect how quickly cells age. They are combinations of DNA and proteins that protect the ends of chromosomes and help them remain stable. As they become shorter, and as their structural integrity weakens, the cells age and die quicker. Telomeres also get shorter with age.

In the study, researchers examined three healthy behaviors –physical activity, dietary intake and sleep quality – over the course of one year in 239 post-menopausal, non-smoking women. The women provided blood samples at the beginning and end of the year for telomere measurement and reported on stressful events that occurred during those 12 months. In women who engaged in lower levels of healthy behaviors, there was a significantly greater decline in telomere length in their immune cells for every major life stressor that occurred during the year. Yet women who maintained active lifestyles, healthy diets, and good quality sleep appeared protected when exposed to stress – accumulated life stressors did not appear to lead to greater shortening.

“This is the first study that supports the idea, at least observationally, that stressful events can accelerate immune cell aging in adults, even in the short period of one year. Exciting, though, is that these results further suggest that keeping active, and eating and sleeping well during periods of high stress are particularly important to attenuate the accelerated aging of our immune cells,” said Puterman.

In recent years, shorter telomeres have become associated with a broad range of aging-related diseases, including stroke, vascular dementia, cardiovascular disease, obesity, osteoporosis diabetes, and many forms of cancer.

Research on telomeres, and the enzyme that makes them, telomerase, was pioneered by three Americans, including UCSF molecular biologist and co-author Elizabeth Blackburn, PhD. Blackburn co-discovered the telomerase enzyme in 1985. The scientists received the Nobel Prize in Physiology or Medicine in 2009 for their work.

“These new results are exciting yet observational at this point. They do provide the impetus to move forward with interventions to modify lifestyle in those experiencing a lot of stress, to test whether telomere attrition can truly be slowed,” said Blackburn.

Co-authors include senior author Elissa Epel, PhD, department of psychiatry, Jue Lin, PhD, department of biochemistry and biophysics, both of UCSF and Jeffrey Krauss, MD, division of physical medicine and rehabilitation at Stanford University. Lin, Epel and Blackburn are the co-founders of Telome Health Inc., a diagnostic company measuring telomere biology.

The study was supported by the Baumann Foundation and the Barney & Barbro Foundation. Puterman is supported by the National Heart, Lung and Blood Institute of the National Institutes of Health.

UCSF is the nation’s leading university exclusively focused on health. Now celebrating the 150th anniversary of its founding as a medical college, UCSF is dedicated to transforming health worldwide through advanced biomedical research, graduate-level education in the life sciences and health professions, and excellence in patient care. It includes top-ranked graduate schools of dentistry, medicine, nursing and pharmacy; a graduate division with world-renowned programs in the biological sciences, a preeminent biomedical research enterprise and two top-tier hospitals, UCSF Medical Center and UCSF Benioff Children’s Hospital San Francisco. Please visit www.ucsf.edu.

Source: University of California, San Francisco (UCSF)

Author:Newswise

WDEF 12 of Chattanooga